Talking to Your Children: Be Deliberate

I am a huge proponent of being proactive rather than reactive.  I remember when my son was very young and he was playing hide and go seek with some friends while I was setting up for an event at church.  It was a Saturday morning with very few people and we were on a single hall.  There were about 3 girls and 3 boys playing together.  I remember they couldn't find my son and I thought he had done a good job at hiding himself.  Finally, I had to go look for him.  I found him in the women's restroom.  I remember feeling embarrassed even though there were not many people there to even notice.  I remember thinking to myself that he should know it's not ok for a boy to enter a female only restroom.  Of course he had entered the restroom with me on many occasions in public places, but why did he not understand it wasn't ok without me?  It was in that moment I realized that I was going to have to be specific and not assume he knows these rules.  I had never taken the time to specifically say he should not ever enter a female only restroom alone. As a parent, there were things I just assumed my children would understand from just being present and experiencing life.

Many years later, I am still being very deliberate in talking with my children. I use real life scenarios that I read about in the news or come across in my own work to explain to them the dangers, consequences, and/ or risks associated with the scenarios. For example, I recently read a court case where a student was charged with drug possession because she let another student ride to school with her and he left his backpack in her car.  A routine search based on a tip led to the discovery of drugs in the backpack.  It was her car so she was found guilty of possession.  I used this scenario to talk to them about friend choices, risky behaviors, drug possession charges, and a host of other things that came from our conversation.  I hope this scenario will never become a reality for my children, but if it does, they will at least have some schema they can draw from and hopefully make good decisions.

I am urging you to not assume your children understand the unwritten rules. They can always learn them the hard way like the girl in the scenario above or we can create some "hooks" for which they can latch on to when the situation presents itself.

The group drugfree.org has created a free toolkit you can order for specifically talking to your child about marijuana.  41% of teen marijuana smokers say they began before the age of 15.  This drug is very available to children. It is important to talk to your child about the dangers of this drug.  This kit will help you understand and gain information to discuss marijuana with good reason and credibility. You can order the free toolkit here.

Inside the Marijuana Talk Kit, you will find:

• Facts about marijuana
• Why weed is still risky for teens
• Ways to talk with your teen about marijuana
• What you should - and shouldn't say - when talking with your teen
• How to respond to your teen’s questions and arguments
• Resources to help

The Marijuana Talk Kit will help you have meaningful, productive conversations with your teen.

Be deliberate.